My mum
Life has up and downs and I think since October 2022, I have been more on the downs than ups.
I haven’t written in over a few months and although I had ideas, I was unable to put my thoughts down.
Some of you may know that my mum became unwell in October and, I spent 2 months with her in Kenya. The beginning of the year started off well, and by the third week of January, my mum seemed to be making small steps to recovery and had even managed to return to her hometown. It truly was a miracle for me, when I saw pictures of her being airlifted from the city to our town. I had tears of joy.
Unfortunately, the miracle was short lived, and she passed away a month later.
As much as I was expecting her death, it was still quite a rude awakening! I returned back home for the funeral and as our culture believes in reincarnation, we prayed (singing praises of the Lord, readings the Bhagvad Gita) and fed people less fortunate than us during the mourning period. I guess there was closure there and every day was planned so I didn’t have time to dwell too much.
During her funeral and mourning time, I felt her presence and this feeling of her wanting to be remembered in her element. This was when she was organising an event or weddings or spreading a feast of food. And I decided to remember her laughing and smiling rather than mourning her loss. As she said, she had achieved all her goals plus she was not someone who expressed her sad emotions. I think I had only seen her cry a handful of times. When my dad passed away, she broke down 8 weeks after when we had all left!
Since her passing, I have questioned my relationship with her and what it meant. I have questioned why I was born to her and why she was the chosen mother for me. Not because I loved her any less, but we were complete opposites – we were at polar ends of the world. She was clean and tidy, I was messy. She was an excellent cook and I don’t like cooking but loved eating as you can all see! She was up at the crack of dawn and alert and would want to spring clean the whole house. I would force myself to wake up at the crack of dawn but definitely still in sleep mode and completely unable to spring clean with one eye half shut.
Our relationship blossomed over time. Don’t get me wrong, she would still get annoyed with me as I am head strong but only because I believe in my reasons, but I never disobeyed her and had a lot of respect. She had a heart of gold. Till the very end, she still, had the ability to stop you in your tracks as she still had this look in her eye when she was cross with you.
As I grew older, we bonded over religion too and that was always something I appreciated. She was shy and never sang her hymns out loud, but I would, and she would whisper them alongside me. I think she saw me as a bolt of lightning, not afraid of doing things as well as being outspoken.
During the last 8 years, after dad passed away, she found it tough as dad has always been her support system and they had been together since the late 50s. One particular incident, I remember, there was a time when she was going to have to stay alone in the house as the rest of the family was travelling. She asked me to come be with her and I couldn’t due to work commitments, but I persuaded that she can stay alone. She was not happy with my answer but once she managed to stay alone, she contacted me, a month later and said she did it. I listened to you! It was quite funny - the roles had reversed.
Mum was inspirational, a true advocate of home life and believed in supporting her husband when he started out in business. And my dad was a better man because of her. Financially, she was savvy, she was into recycling before recycling was a thing. She would be constantly saving money for us when we were children by selling our old clothes, or old newspapers. But I don’t think she realised what valuable experience she brought with her and shared with us. She had abilities that no one else could. She had the mental strength of an ox and she surprised all of us during her time in hospital. She would never hold her grudge even when she had been wronged. Her house was an open house. When anyone came home or even to the hospital, she welcomed them with her sweet smile and absolutely delicious home-made food, and you would eat, whether you wanted to eat it or not. My sister reckons, she would have been a winner on MasterChef. And I agree!
When you read about death and the soul as one does when you lose a loved one, the books say when you lose a loved one, a bit of their soul gets embodied into each and every person’s life she was a part of. I do feel this is true because I see some elements of her in me. I have become and early riser and more alert. I want to try and finish my big chores in the daytime and in the afternoon do the less hectic chores. I want to cook things that I used with her. As a child if I wanted to eat cake, she would always mix the cake mixture for me as a child, even, she did not eat eggs and made it smooth and fine, just using her hands. I tend to use whisk! I have often found myself, trying to tie my hair in a bun like she used when she wanted to wash her face and the hair at the front would look crook as she would not use a comb. I have caught myself in the mirror and I smile as I see her face in the mirror and not mine!
I am very proud to call her my mum.